Today- 5:10 a.m.
I am going to be dealing with my family issues head on today. I am very nervous, as I can’t deal with taking blame. I shouldn’t have to, as this shouldn’t be focused on me. I find myself wanting to avoid social settings lately; & with everything going on with my recovering suicidal brother, I don’t want to deal with my petty bullshit around him.
I have found myself becoming very occupied with working & smoking less marijuana. I don’t want to be up this early, but I have to drive 2.5 hours & have my alarm set for 45 minutes from now. My brain seems to constantly function while i’m sleeping, leaving me constantly up & down.
I really am just writing this to express my feelings, & being open/honest about them. I just want to go & get it over with. So I guess we will see.