*TRIGGER WARNING POST*
Starving myself- for days. Eating- 2000 calories & purging. Nothing has settled into my stomach. Bulimia is a way of life for me. I have control over something. My biggest flaw: If you are successfully Anorexic- I want to be you. I find you much stronger than me. No, I’m not condoning this behavior. I believe every single human “has their own personal bullshit.” This is mine. I know over the years my esophagus has become acidic and basically nothing. My fathers mother- died from essentially being bulimic. Her esophagus was no longer functioning and she developed cancer. Once the surgeons re-constructed her esophagus from her liver, it was too late. You would think things like this, my own grandmother dying, would put me in my place. I want to be stronger & cure myself from this again. No excessive working out as well. I do know from experience that I will not be successful until I am ready.