Purpose: I have an issue with control. Not over anyone but myself/my body. I try to solve this issue by working through my eating disorder, which is where my personal need of control stems from.
8 years old- 2003
My mother and father put me on a medication for children with ADHD, Concerta. Since I can remember; this medicine was my best friend. I loved being the only girl not eating at the lunch table, being the skinniest, even though I was tall. Concerta takes away hunger. Never eating became a way of life for me quickly as a young girl. The phone calls from my teachers to my parents about my eating habits didn’t seem to do much- at the time I thought it was all okay.
11 years old- 2007
I’m standing over the toilet, and I can’t even hear the noises my throat makes from purging; I’ve gotten so good at this. Nothing stays down and if it doesn’t it’s liquid. My hands and my under arms are always sweating and if I stand up too fast I become dizzy– it hasn’t always been this way though. I remember when I could eat an entire lunch sand which, play at recess, and feel perfectly fine. How old was I then? 7? Why am I not normal?